The Marital Chain of Command

Good Afternoon Jerome Bogan Ministry (JBM) readers:

Today I would like to share some observations that I have discovered on the way to marital bliss as I began the laborious process of introspection and observation of spousal behavior as it applies to bible-based marital principles. But first let me apologize for not being able to access the original Jerome Bogan Ministry blogspot. Somehow between me and The Blogger, Google and my technological ineptitude I stumbled around until I was able to do this posting and I hope you will be able to access it.

As you have read in my earlier posting about marriage, I sincerely believe that marriage is ordained by God, that is the God that the Holy Bible describes as Jehovah; exclusively the God that fathered Jesus Christ through the Immaculate Conception and impregnation of Mary by means of the Holy Spirit. I won't entertain any other conversation about marriage because it simply will not apply since marriage by definition is the union between man and a woman, ordained by God for the purpose of providing companionship; bringing forth children raised up in godliness and populating a world full of people under the exclusive leadership of Jesus Christ.

People are permitted to get married outside of this definition because God allows freedom of choice, a topic which will come up time and time again in our conversations. But what I really want to get at today is a continuation of an attempt to answer the question "why are so many marriages today failing?"

The phrase "chain of command" is a common military term used to describe the hierarchy in the

order of authority with the President of the United States being the "Commander-in-Chief" at the highest level and the army "private" being the lowest ranking officer. The term is also used in the corporate world to describe the order of leadership with the Chief Executive Officer at the top, then the Vice Presidents and Managers down to the mail room clerks and the general employees. On my job as a Supervisory Transportation Security Officer with the Transportation Security Administration within the Department of Homeland Security the local "chain of command" runs from the Federal Security Director (FSD) to the Assistant Federal Security (AFSD) Director to several Deputy Federal Security Directors (DFSD) to Transportation Security Managers (TSM) down to me (STSO) to the leads (LTSO) and down the line with the Transportation Security Officers (TSO) at the first and lowest level in the chain of command.

But is this concept of a "chain of command" a man-made idea? Certainly not. In the bible there were Kings and tribes and chiefs of tribes, scribes and priests; each having a particular function and a specific degree of authority in the "chain of command." If all those kings were established by men then why did God send Prophet Samuel to anoint David as King of Israel when Israel had already chosen a King named Saul? The truth of the matter is, God is in charge of the political realm just as much as He is in charge of everything else. In fact, He is the CEO of the entire universe and therefore everything that happens is either allowed or ordained by Him. But what, you may ask, does all of this have to do with the marital chain of command and why marriages are falling apart?

Well, just as God is in charge of everything, He is also in charge of the family. It is He that established marriage as the public declaration that a man desired to start a family. God established the first family when He created Adam and gave him dominion (authority) over all of the earth. God also noted that although Adam had a beautiful home and dominion over every creature on land, in the sea and in the air, Adam was still not complete. So God made Steve so that he and Adam could have children together and populate the earth and frolic in the garden together...? Of course not, it even sounds preposterous when you read it doesn't it? God made Eve. I'm sure she was beautiful. Fine as Black men say. Nice hair, great body. God would have wanted to blow Adam away with this gift. If Adam had seen Steve with the same uncovered loins as Adam had I bet the first murder would have happened long before Cain came along!

Now just because God gave Adam dominion over the animals, what proof do we have that Adam also had dominion over Eve? Well lets go to the video. What does the Word of God say? Let's read Genesis 3:8-19.

8 And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. 9 But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?” 10 And he said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.” 11 He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” 12 The man said, “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.” 13 Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this that you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”

14 The Lord God said to the serpent,

“Because you have done this,
cursed are you above all livestock
and above all beasts of the field;
on your belly you shall go,
and dust you shall eat
all the days of your life.
15 I will put enmity between you and the woman,
and between your offspring and her offspring;
he shall bruise your head,
and you shall bruise his heel.”

16 To the woman he said,

“I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing;
in pain you shall bring forth children.
Your desire shall be for your husband,
and he shall rule over you.”

17 And to Adam he said,

“Because you have listened to the voice of your wife
and have eaten of the tree
of which I commanded you,
‘You shall not eat of it,’
cursed is the ground because of you;
in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life;
18 thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you;
and you shall eat the plants of the field.
19 By the sweat of your face
you shall eat bread,
till you return to the ground,
for out of it you were taken;
for you are dust,
and to dust you shall return.”

That comment in 3:16 - "Your desire shall be for your husband,and he shall rule over you.” That pretty much seals it for me. So the husband is the CEO of the family as far as God is concerned. I noticed a couple of things here. (1) God does not seem very happy. He's not giving out blessings right now but curses. Men, let's not get so happy just because we're in charge. To whom much is given much is required. We pay a very heavy price for this added responsibility and everybody suffers if we mess this up. (2) God didn't make the decision to make man the head of the family until sin (lawlessness, disorder, chaos) appears. Possibly, there would have been equally shared dominion had not Eve messed up. (3) God seems to be establishing some order in the midst of this dilemma and setting some parameters for the relationship between man, woman and Satan.

And why is Satan even in the picture? Well our ancestors brought him in. He became a part of the package deal! He is always present, even in the holiest of families. Remember, Eve, Mother Earth walked into the woods without her husband and was seduced by another. She then brought the fruit of that disobedient act back to her husband. His act of eating the forbidden fruit was a violation of a direct order from God! So what Satan accomplished was more important than the eating of the fruit itself, it could have been a leaf or picking up a stone or any thing else. What was important was that the "chain of command" had been broken!

And ever since that day God has been competing with idols to reposition Himself in our lives as the CEO. Men have been struggling with their wives to take their rightful place as head of household; confused as to what it really means to be a loving leader in a Christ-based home. In most cases men have never had any example worth following and religious leaders are often more dysfunctional as leaders than drunkards and deadbeat dads! Many men have given up their attempt to become real men and have tried emulating womanhood; women are doing the same in increasing numbers. Children are watching our craziness and have no idea where they fit in the scheme of things. Anxious to establish an an identity of their own, some join gangs, listen to negative and disrespectful music, tatoo and cut their skin, abandon all morality for the temporal pleasures of premarital sex and discard all religious teaching as oppressive and an attempt to control them. Why? All because we have broken the established order and the universe itself cries out. Why do you think the earth quakes, the mountains tremble and the seas are blackened with oil?

As a man I am learning that if my woman doesn't respect my leadership she will assume the position of leader; usurping my God-given authority, exemplifying defiance, disdain and total disrespect before my children. My reaction will be one of embarrassment, confusion and if I am not careful violence! Remember the woman has now assumed the position of Alpha Male in the family! What would a lion do if another male lion tried to take over? I can no longer recognize her as woman, for she has taken on the male characteristic as leader, my children can no longer perceive me as the head; they are confused and don't know which leader to follow. They are also witnesses of the violence that has ripped the family apart. There is disorder and chaos is everywhere!

Sometimes we stay in the chaos and say it's for the good of the children. But sometimes I think that this type of home is more damaging to a child than a single household. Women, please remember that a real man is designed to lead! He does not need to rule with an iron fist like a dictator but he does need to be respected and feel like he is the CEO of the family. If you are too stubborn to listen to what he says and do the simplest things he asks you to do then you are not a good match for that man. If you feel that every time he asks you to do something he is trying to be your father you are wrong! He' s not trying to be your father. If you had had a real father (godly, moral, kind, loving, caring, protective, corrective, supportive, and present) and a real mother (godly, moral, kind, loving, caring, nurturing, submissive, in love with her husband and respectful of him, a man-maker and not a man-destroyer) you probably would not be having such a hard time adjusting to marriage as God has ordained it with a good man in charge. But if you were raised spoiled, selfish, rebellious, bitter and without any knowledge of what a God-healthy family should look like - you are invariably having some serious marital problems right now or you are single and can't keep a real man.

Men, we are not off the hook! How many of us have either yielded to the Western culture' s penchant for allowing unworthy, disobedient, domineering women to be the leaders of our family by either delusion or default or how many of us have tried to force our disrespectful, disappointed wives to respect and love us when that respect and love from the right woman would have been automatically given! O we victims of poor choices! Now we have chosen the wrong woman and we are trapped in this dysfunctional relationship! Whether we leave or whether we stay, we are doomed under the present circumstances. Only God can deliver us!

The children are watching and unfortunately we are their only clue as to what their future holds. How we behave, how we treat each other, how we obey or disobey God's plan for the family and His "chain of command" has a profound effect on who they are, who they will become and what kind of husband, wife or parent they will be. Pray for us. Pray for me.

Jerome Bogan